2017 years ago, Our Lord Baby Jesus was born. NOW 2017 years later, “Comedian”, Musician, Living Legend and National Treasure in Waiting Nick Helm (Loaded LAFTA Award Winner 2013, Sweat The Small Stuff) brings his band and back-catalogue of stadium anthems to Stroud for a One Night Only concert that will be sure to kick your genitals well and truly into the Christmas Spirit whilst at the same time make you question everything you have ever witnessed in your life up till this point and beyond.

All of the Hits! Most of the Chords! None of the Chit-Chat! 

Get ready to have the “Greatest Night of Your Lives… So Far!”

‘Genuinely exciting’ Telegraph ★★★★★

‘A genuinely unique comedy brain’ Guardian

‘A smorgasbord of delights. Helm is a comic tour de force, and then some’ Mail on Sunday ★★★★

‘A potent mix of soft-voiced fragility and visceral showmanship. An exciting comic presence’ Times

‘A true comedy daredevil. Utterly exhilarating.’ Time Out ★★★★

‘Original and beguiling’ Sunday Times

‘Top tip – the utterly full on Nick Helm’ Evening Standard ★★★★

‘Inspired anarchy’ Scotsman On Sunday

‘A full-on assault on the senses of humour, dignity and pathos’ Chortle ★★★★

‘Leaves the audience on a massive high. This is worth every penny’ British Comedy Guide ★★★★½

‘Very exciting’ Daniel Kitson

‘Blew my mind’ Jimmy Carr

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Another London date has been added following the others selling out

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What better way to acknowledge the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ and mark the passing of another year than with a royal rumble of a seasonal Fuck-Fest as we join “comedian” and People’s Princess Nick Helm in celebrating his 36th Christmas. Expect the decking of halls, the hanging of baubles, comedy guests, crackers (cheese and crepe), music, peace on earth, joy to all men (and women) and jokes.

Now seeing as this is a one off end of year jolly and as much of a blow out for Nick as it is for you, here is a list of all the people that shouldn’t bother attending:

• People expecting slickness.
• People that think that just by being talked to at a comedy gig that they are somehow getting picked on.
• People in the audience that like to make it all about them.
• Office parties.
• Hecklers.
• People that get drunk and talk to their boyfriends really loudly through the whole night, even raising their voices so they can be heard by their partner over the song that is being performed live maybe six feet right in front of them and then proceed to deny doing it when they are called out on it by literally every single act that gets up and performs that night.
• Rude people.
• People incapable of dealing with the concept of a stage persona and who take everything they see in life at face value.
• Fascists.
• Baz.
• Journalists that hide in the dark and say “Oh he’s just doing what he always does”.
• Large groups of actors.
• People that have only ever experienced stand up from TV shows such as Live at the Apollo or McIntyre’s Road Show. Come to another show at some other point, but really there won’t be time for you to catch up with what everyone else has been enjoying for year’s so just stay home for this one. You won’t understand why you haven’t heard of any of the acts or why they’re not always talking about things that you can directly relate to so it will be less embarrassing for you if you stay away and hide your ignorance.
• Cats.
• People that aren’t expecting a Fuck-Fest.
• People with unrealistic preconceptions of what a comedy show can provide for them.
• People expecting a reenactment of all their favourite moments from BBC Three’s Uncle. Nick is an award winning stand up comedian and not the same person as the fictional person he plays in the hit series Uncle. He is just an excellent actor and maybe his diversity and range should be celebrated rather than met with confused disapproval.
• Likewise for people that are coming because of 8 Out of 10 Cats/8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. This is not a panel show/beloved word based game show. It will be different from that.
• If you absolutely have to get blind drunk then under no circumstances try to engage with Nick whilst he is cleaning up all the shit off the stage at the end in a conversation about what real comedy is and what a disappointment the show you just saw was. If you can’t stand up straight or see clearly anymore, your opinion is not valid.
• Bellends in general.
• Everyone else is welcome.

I guess lower your expectations, pull your head out of your arse and stop taking yourself and your opinions so seriously. He is literally coming to the end of one of the worst years of his life. He’s tired, confused and literally doing his best.

Merry Christmas.

17th December 2016
Show at 8:30pm
Pleasance Theatre, London

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Nick Helm is recording a DVD of his latest show. The show was toured across the UK in 2015 and this October, Nick brings it to Soho Theatre for two nights only!

This show will be filmed as part of Soho Theatre Live

Nick Helm returns to the Soho Theatre with a “two-off” performance of his 2015 collection of poems, songs and ramblings dealing with what it’s like to lose everything you had and held dear in your life for no good reason.

Star of BBC3’s Sweat the Small Stuff, Live at the Electric (Series One) and winner of a LoadedLAFTA award and Dave’s Best Joke of 2011, Nick Helm would greatly appreciate you turning up and making it less awkward for not only himself, but the potentially small audience of Nick Helm’s Heavy Entertainment fans that have show up and the venue staff, who I don’t know if you’ve ever had to cancel a gig due to low attendance, but there’s something about their sad, sad eyes that will haunt you till your dying day.

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Nick Helm announces a new work in progress show in North England (Leeds and Darlington)!

Get your tickets to these one-off, exclusive shows NOW!

Leeds, June 4th

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Darlington, June 5th

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“It couldn’t be topped!” They said.

“The music industry ignored your first album” They insisted.

“Absolutely nobody listens to music ironically” They sneered.

Well who said anything about being ironic?

That’s right. Old Big Dick’s back* and he’s smashed it out the park yet again. Proving inequivicably that when people tell you about their difficult second album those people are moaning little “woe-is-me”, wet behind the ears, pussies.

It’s not enough that he’s a multi-award winning comedian, BAFTA nominated filmmaker, excellent actor, well respected playwrite, competent artist, kind and generous, a wonderful humaitarian and feminist, who has a rockin’ bod and an ass that just won’t quit (in a good way). He is also one of the seminal musicians of his or any generation.

Listen to this album. Cum in your pants. Then crank it up to 10 (which is the loudest FYI) and listen to it again to hear all the little bits that you were too stupid to hear the first time because you were too busy witnessing the rebirth of a legend.

The real tragedy is that Nick Helm IS fucking amazing and he doesn’t even realise it. You should be thanking him right now.

You’re welcome!!!

Nick Fuckin’ Helm

*Average sized penis.

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Nick Helm’s Album launch comes to The Forum on April 14th.

Venue: O2 Forum, Kentish Town

Date : April 14th 2016

Time: 19:00PM

In celebration of the release of his difficult second album (technically his fifth), housewives’ favourite and all round national treasure in waiting NICK HELM brings to Kentish Town his imitable (Just-Eat “I need a Balti” – What the actual fuck?!?) brand of music and comedy.

“All Killer, Some Filler”. The greatest live event ever attempted to be staged will feature every single hit that Nick has ever produced from such shows as Heavy Entertainment, Uncle, Live at the Apollo, Live at the Electric, 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown and his numerous Edinburgh shows and first album Hot N’ Heavy as well as some older ones that only his parents remember seeing. Be there or fail at life. Respect the Helm.

Don’t waste time, get your tickets NOW!

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Please note: Strictly over 16s only.

Nick Helm and Esther Smith’s Elephant is nominated for BAFTA 2016 for Best Short Film!

Two best friends wile away a skint afternoon walking around the backstreets of Brighton.

Re-watch Elephant now!

Catch Up

Find out the full list of nominations.

Nominations List

Catch up on Nick’s performance on Live At The Apollo on BBC iPlayer
In the penultimate episode from the legendary Hammersmith Apollo, the brilliantly energetic Russel Kane is the host, introducing the star of E4’s Game Face and Man Dow Roisin Conaty and the unique power house Nick Helm.

Catch Up

You can also buy the song as sung on Live At The Apollo by following the link below.

Don’t Fall In Love With Me can be bought as a single track or the full album – Hot ‘n’ Heavy – is available both digitally and in CD format.

Buy Hot 'n' Heavy Now

Nick Helm’s Single for Christmas is the latest Helm EP. Filled with those festive favourites such as (Hey Johnny) There Ain’t No Motherfuckin’ Santa Claus and I’m So Depressed (Single For Christmas).

Get your digital copy of of Nick Helm’s Single For Christmas NOW!

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Written & Performed by Nick Helm

Produced by Andrew Jones

Guitar by Jamie Spencer Smith

Piano by Ross Power

Choir Master Lloyd Griffith

Artwork by Adam Robinson